An quick update on my children: Brooks is now 8 months old, Klay will turn 4 years old in less than two months..
Thinking back to the First few months of my son’s life, I felt like we were just struggling to keep him alive, then to keep him healthy and now finally we can focus more on making him thrive.
I look back at photos of me holding a newborn Klay, and I remember that woman like it was a really close friend that I have drifted away from. I remember how she felt and why she did the things she did, but I see it so much more clearly now: she loved the baby with all her heart but she had no idea what to do. She knew the basics but she wasn’t sure, she wasn’t sure about anything. It was all trial and error, trial and error, trial and error…
I look back at her and I feel like there would be so many things I would advise her, things to do, things not to do; what advice from other people to take, what to filter out. I read so much on how the first year of life and what to do, and counted all the time I didn’t follow my gut feeling as a mother.
But at the same time, I’m quite unsure. Still unsure. Not about the same things, but different things. Not holding the same worries, but different worries. I believe that that is what motherhood is all about: constantly worrying, giving and loving.
It is all so worth it though, I know they all say it, but it’s so true. Those sleepless nights, those useless worries, those cuts and bruises and hollering tantrums…
I mean, we can have less of those trantrums and fits, but y’know what I mean.
I now realize that we don’t become “Expert Moms” the more children we have, we only take things easier, learned from experience and have acknowledged the fact that Motherhood is damn hard, and just manoeuvre our way through it with a grateful heart and a truck load of wisdom.
And that’s the way I hope my kids will see me: a not perfect, maximum loving mom all year round no matter what we go through, and that I am, and we are, only human.
I constantly remind myself that the best way to prepare them for whatever they may face in the future, with or without us by their side, is that it’s okay to feel, to have emotions, to show and share those emotions with people they trust. Especially because I am raising boys, this emotional growth aspect is so important to me, since the male gender has always been under the impression that it is weak to show their feelings and emotions, and I feel that that is so wrong.
Whatever it is you are going through, however old your children are, just know, mamas, we are all doing the best we can, and it is all quite enough. Our kids will still love us with all their heart no matter what, because we are their world.
In case no one reminds you today:
You are appreciated, and you are loved <3